Thread: A year of firsts.

A year of firsts, first Birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Years, it will go on and on, waiting for that phone call mom saying Happy New Year's kiddo. It's been a bad year for losing people, I don't recall a year where we have lost so many in one year so I'm going to make a few calls today, letting people know I'm thinking of them. There are days the loss sinks in that you will never hear that personal rendition of Happy Birthday and me saying you don't have to sing. What was I thinking???? I wasn't. She laughed. So many gone. Knowing some are going this year, another cousin with cancer I didn't expect her to make it to Christmas, she is in hospice. Probably the 1st funeral of the year. Maybe the last Aunt and Uncle of my husband, both in their mid 90's, probably his only brother, known his side since the early 80s, wow time moves quickly, I was 19, was I once 19? I met his parents when they were younger then I am right now. If there is someone you haven't talked to in a while take today to give them a call, let nothing go unsaid, let no grievance go unhealed, be the bigger person, say you are sorry first if they hang up you tried but don't say "I wish". If wishes were fishes.

I made it through the year of firsts, I was talking to a friend who lost her husband a month before my mom passed telling her I am so glad this first year is over and she told me yes now it's 2 years since...… I thought great, Thanks. People cope differently to loss, it doesn't matter how old they were, I remember hearing she lived a good long life, I remember saying that I also know I won't say that again, it doesn't matter how long they were sick, I remember hearing my friend acknowledge her husband was no longer in pain, I'm not sure that helped her very much. I think I'm going to stick with I'm very sorry for your loss and say something nice, like I really enjoyed working with them, or a great sense of humor or how kind they were. What do you say?

I last posted to this on 8/5/19, by 8/24/19 my FIL was in the hospital, I had the morning/day shift, my husband had the late afternoon through evening shift, he left the hospital for rehab on 9/19/19, we were very happy and ran the same shifts at the facility, 10/4 while in rehab we found out he was in stage 4 kidney failure and he passed on the 6th. So we are back to our year of firsts, his B-Day was in March, then Easter, DH's Mom died on Easter 2014, soon it will be Fathers day. I miss them both terribly, with this virus I'm glad they aren't here to see it, mom was in assisted living and they have had several cases and are in lockdown in their rooms and can't have visitors. FIL was at home but I'm sure would have gotten it because he would be to stubborn to shelter in place. Staying at home gives you to much time to think, I think. We waited until the first of the year to start cleaning out the house to get through the holidays, going great until the virus, now everything is at a stand still, no place open to donate, no way to sell stuff so we can't put the house on the market. 50 years of stuff to go through almost done.

I know what you mean. We go into my FIL's house and it's no longer the hub of activity it once was, pretty much everything is moved into the living room and kitchen. Got to get someone to pick up the furnature and move some of the larger things we can't but we see the light at the end of the tunnel. Covid messed everything up, we should have been done by now. I don't think my mom, who lived in assisted living would have done well with the virus and my FIL would have done what he wanted anyway no matter what the precautions were so I'm glad they aren't here for this or the unrest in parts of the country. This to will pass is what I keep telling myself.

We get our second shot on Monday and had hopes of having Easter together with at least some of my sisters. The numbers are spiking again, my poor nephew finally gets back to his senior year and is sent home for quarantine for 14 days because the kid sitting next to him in one of his classes tested positive, no football, he will miss 2 big games and I fear with the numbers going up as sharply as they are they will stop all sports including track. I don't see Easter dinner happening, again. I had high hopes, I was almost gitty at the opportunity to sit with the family. I kick myself for all those years I volunteered to work holidays so others could enjoy time with their young children, most times I could pop in for a half-hour to 45 min, eat quickly maybe watch the little ones open the presents I gave them, and run back to the office since the holidays were spent at moms and she was only 15 min away from the building and there was no traffic. I think I mentioned once before how when they were looking for photos for mom's funeral my husband and I weren't in any of them because he spent the holidays with his parents since I worked and of course most family pictures are taken during the holidays, we had to use a 20+-year-old wedding picture. God, I feel like I've wasted my "family time", I can't believe how hard this is hitting me. The neighbor across the road passed from undetected cancer, she was in the hospital several times, always for dehydration, kidney infection, and borderline phenomena and they didn't catch the cancer until a month before she died?? Maybe it was better she didn't know if they couldn't do anything about it but the family had no time to prepare, they brought her home and less than 24 hours later she was gone. We went to the funeral home near the end of visitation time thinking most people would be gone but we were there an hour and a half, no one social distanced, only half wore masks, the line was so scrunched up, the home did nothing to keep people apart, we had considered leaving but just couldn't. The next day the numbers went up, yesterday they doubled, so many from out of state, hubby keeps coughing but I am thinking it's spring and he would be coughing his head off anyway. Like I said we get our second shot Monday, hoping we were protected by our masks and our first shot. It would be nuts for him to have spent the last year apart from the entire world only to get it at a visitation. I hate this new normal, but thinking back it's almost like my old normal, not making it to holiday dinners anyway because I always thought there is always next year. Hindsight is 20/20 nothing is guaranteed.

OMG, I poured my heart out in these posts. My husband's brother passed in 8/22 and wouldn't you know it I caught Covid at his funeral and missed my sister's wedding the next weekend after she and her husband postponed it for 2 years because of Covid. His brothers widow and several others also got it. We thought we were in the clear, 8 other families also didn't make it to the wedding so there was plenty of food and cake. You could see the disappointment on her face in many of the pictures. I was in bed for over 3 weeks and thought I was dying at one point but I wouldn't let hubs take me to the hospital. Too many horror stories about putting people on a vent and them just slipping away. These last few years have been brutal along with my own health problems. I'm hoping things are getting better, looking forward to the holidays. Blessings to you all.

This post was a year ago. So far so good.