Thread: How do you tell a friend...

My husband has NO social skills and hardly any friends at all, which is quite apparant since the accident, Quite a few of my friends just avoid him. He lets me do my own thing and doesn't have to "tag" along all the time to keep an eye on me. Our marriage isn't perfect but we for sure have trust. Why does this guy always have to be involved in everything anyway?

He has to tag along because he is insecure in his marriage & doesn't trust his wife.

Originally Posted by june5917

In my opinion if you are a true friend you will just tell her straight up, and if SHE is a true friend she will understand and love you anyways

Yeah, I would think that too., but she has changed so much. Everything you say to her, she takes offense to. Its like she has totally lost her sense of humor.
Its painful to even be around her now-a-days. Spent Thanksgiving with her family and it was horrifying. She was stuffing her toddler with food (more food than I even ate) and someone said something like, "becareful, you'll have some crazy diapers to change in a few hours." and she flew off the handle, her reaction ruined the day for everyone.
Its not worh my energy to put up with anymore. I cancelled going over there for Christmas because its not worth it, she makes everyone feel so uncomfortable, weither its her constant b!tching about her husband or screaming and causing a scene for no reason.
Its sad after all these years of being friends I really want nothing to do with her. Thankfully I'm moving out of state in a month.

Originally Posted by dv8grl

Yeah, I would think that too., but she has changed so much. Everything you say to her, she takes offense to. Its like she has totally lost her sense of humor.
Its painful to even be around her now-a-days. Spent Thanksgiving with her family and it was horrifying. She was stuffing her toddler with food (more food than I even ate) and someone said something like, "becareful, you'll have some crazy diapers to change in a few hours." and she flew off the handle, her reaction ruined the day for everyone.
Its not worh my energy to put up with anymore. I cancelled going over there for Christmas because its not worth it, she makes everyone feel so uncomfortable, weither its her constant b!tching about her husband or screaming and causing a scene for no reason.
Its sad after all these years of being friends I really want nothing to do with her. Thankfully I'm moving out of state in a month.

Sounds like she needs some serious professional help and I believe that will only happen when she's tired of feeling so doggone unhappy! Some get it and seek out help and others just wallow and nothing ever changes. All you can do for your friend at this point is pray for her....in my opinion.

Trust me this is when she needs her friends & family the most. He has her brainwashed. Her way of coping is with food & bursts of anger.
I agree she needs professional helo but if you approach her with that suggestion she will probably turn against you as well. Therapy won't help until she is willing to admit she needs help.
I was in therapy for 2 years following my divorce. At first I thought I was coping well under the circumstances. Several people suggested I get help & I didn't see it until I saw a picture of myself at weighing 80 pounds that I realized I wasn't doing as well as I thought. The lessons & tools I received through therapy has helped me cope with the issues concerning my Mom & my kids.

Originally Posted by dv8grl

Yeah, I would think that too., but she has changed so much. Everything you say to her, she takes offense to. Its like she has totally lost her sense of humor.
Its painful to even be around her now-a-days. Spent Thanksgiving with her family and it was horrifying. She was stuffing her toddler with food (more food than I even ate) and someone said something like, "becareful, you'll have some crazy diapers to change in a few hours." and she flew off the handle, her reaction ruined the day for everyone.
Its not worh my energy to put up with anymore. I cancelled going over there for Christmas because its not worth it, she makes everyone feel so uncomfortable, weither its her constant b!tching about her husband or screaming and causing a scene for no reason.
Its sad after all these years of being friends I really want nothing to do with her. Thankfully I'm moving out of state in a month.

Perhaps approaching her with something like...."You haven't been yourself lately, I think maybe you need to talk with someone to help you with whatever is going on. Not friends or family members but a professional. If you can't do this for you, then do this for your daughter, she needs you, the better side of you not what you've been lately. I love you and want the best for you and your daughter, please get help."

What do you have to lose at this point?

A few weeks ago we were texting & she became defensive about non-sense and I called her out, asking her why she was being so defensive w/me & she texted back "whatever".
She doesn't want help because she feels nothing is wrong. She's going to fall hard very soon and I'll be there for her, yet in the mean-time I have to keep my distance. I did invite her to my going away party (in 2 weeks) I doubt she'll show and I doubt I'll remind her about it.

oh & we are both in our late 30s.

Originally Posted by dv8grl

A few weeks ago we were texting & she became defensive about non-sense and I called her out, asking her why she was being so defensive w/me & she texted back "whatever".
She doesn't want help because she feels nothing is wrong. She's going to fall hard very soon and I'll be there for her, yet in the mean-time I have to keep my distance. I did invite her to my going away party (in 2 weeks) I doubt she'll show and I doubt I'll remind her about it.

oh & we are both in our late 30s.

There is only so much you can do for someone who isn't ready. I've had problems all my life and I had to hit a huge bottom before I could do anything about it. I nearly died but God didn't want me yet so I was in therapy for years. And still, today, when I hit a rough patch I go back and tell him what's going on, etc. While it can't hurt to approach her (without any distractions) and have a deep, sincere and honest conversation, I doubt that it will help either. But it might but a bug in her ear for future reference.

My hubby is an alcoholic. (and while he isn't totally sober, he rarely gets drunk and our life is better than it ever has been because he goes to church regularly and I had sought therapy) Nearly 40 years ago I was approached about Al-Anon. I think I went to 1 meeting. Then, many years later I was actually ready to attend the meetings and work the Program on a daily basis.

Just do the best you can as her friend without screwing up your own life. I had a friend who would call me from Georgia and tell me she was going to kill herself. I couldn't do anything about it. Calling the cops was not an option. I guess she just needed the connection but she never did it. Point is, it was so very hard on me. Because of that it really ruined our relationship. I could not afford to be that involved with someone, so worried all the time, with my situation being what it was. I hope you do have a talk but I would certainly understand if you didn't.