Thread: I found out last night

Sorry to hear that. It is good that he told you and it wasn't a situation where you found out. Close friends of ours went through the same thing, and they decided to work on themselves and that was around 10 years ago, and they are really doing well.

You know, five years ago, if I had read your words about needing to not always put the kids first, I would have thought you were a loon! But, I have seen that in the last few years, that is a huge issue for DH and me. We took a stand this summer with it. My son was gone all week at my dad's and DH and I did nothing...nightly we said it just wasn't worth it to go out and do something without him here to enjoy it with us. That is pretty messed up. We are not perfect at it, but if my son spends the night out, we try to do a little something, even if it is just to go out and eat.

Good luck to you in everything.

I told him last night that if we can get through this, I will not bring it up again. I did realize that some (not all) of the blame is on me. I have been pushing him away. I just assumed things would be ok, I (neither did he though) try to put any effort into "us" We have never had just us time. it is always the kids.

I did make it clear that I do not trust him, but one way to start the healing is no more hiding. If they text each other do not delete them, show me. If he deletes them he is hiding something. That is how I knew something was going on. He was trying to hide things.

I do know he would not have been able to keep it to himself for long. He went over monday and told his parents, he said he needed to talk to someone. His mom told him he needed to leave me, among many other things (she does not like me if you couldn't tell)

12 years... been togeather 13. Will be married 13 in march.

He did not come out and tell me. I knew something was going on but I did not think it went that far. It was very hard to ask him, but even harder for him to admit it. I made him say it. Just shaking his head was not enough. I made him say it out loud to me.

Personally I wouldn't stand any contact betewwn them what-so-ever. Sorry no texting, talking whatever.

Don't be that hard on yourself either. While you may not have been the 100% perfect wife to him that did not give him the right to break your marriage vows & cheat. You work through your marriage together & not go outside your marriage.

I caught my EX through cell phone records. Mine was an abusive alcoholic so this cheating was IT for me. I was done, 25 years gone to hell for a skank. The best part was she & her husband we freinds of us as a couple. When I saw the phone bill & questioned him why so many calls to her he said he needed someone to talk to. Ummm excuse me but you are supposed to talk to you wife. Everytime I saw him afterwards all I could picture was her so there was no way I could forgive & move on.

I congratulate you for being able to forgive.

oh no i do agree. no matter what was going on he should have come to me. he should have told me what he was feeling and going through. I think I need to be a little more demanding on the fact that he can not continue to talk/text her. I told him last night that if he continues to talk to her that it will never work with us.

Sorry to hear that. I think its good that you are trying to work through this. I know it must be so hard for you especially not having family there. ((hugs))