Thread: Have you ever just "fell apart"?

This week it happened. I dont know why. I dont know what triggered it. I can't function, especially when it comes to going to work. I know that is horrible---there are millions of people out of work, and I'm calling in sick every day!!! My job is easy, pays ok, hours suck (11 pm to 7:30 am), I ended up at ER Tuesday night because of crying for hours, not knowing why, and can't stop. My diabetes is out of control. My glucose at ER was 508. They gave me IV insulin and ativan to calm me down. I was okay the next day until time to go to work. I dont know why. The thought of driving across Kansas City to work is more than I can do right now. My boss told me a couple weeks ago, I should take a different route, it was closer...I did, but I ended up taking a wrong turn and ended up in a very bad part of KC. I was terrified, and it took me over 2 hours to get home instead of my usual 45 minutes.

I wont go back over all the stuff thats happened in the past several years, but I dont know if its a compilation of everything, or what is wrong!!! I have a follow up appointment on Monday morning with my regular doctor.

I fell at work about 2 months ago, and got a concussion. I had short term memory loss, couldnt remember peoples names, and even my brother--I couldnt remember if he was older or younger than me.

My oldest son who is 18 has some big dreams he wants to do, and I promised to help him fulfill those. Im failing at that.

My youngest son who is 15 has gotten to be friends with someone in public school that I cant be sure if this person is in Josh's best interest. Josh does his own share of stuff on his own, but Corey...well, lets say at 16 Corey is a lot more adult than I had hoped for Josh at this age. He always seems polite and respectful to us.

My oldest son, when he turned 18 last year, we got him a new Electric Guitar, not the top of the line, but altogether was about $750. We couldnt afford the typical car gift or whatever for 18 year olds, lol. It got broken this past week at band practice with my youngest son, and Corey, my oldest son and a new guy---Jake.

My house is filthy. Literally filthy. No one, does a da** thing here. Before every meal the dishes have to be washed to even be able to cook. My toilet leaks....and no one cleans it up. Including me---Im too tired. I've NEVER in my life been able to just sit and look at stuff and let it go this bad.

My husband who is disabled, 2 years ago had a 3 month stay in the hospital for a foot surgery and wound that had to be open to heal from inside out due to MRSA infection has another wound and refuses to wear house shoes, keep foot elevated, any of the orders the doctor issued.

I had my own bout of MRSA the year before husband. Mine involved 7 surgeries over a 2 month time period, and 1 1/2 year recoup time.

Typing this out has been a major accomplishment for me, in accordance to what I've gotten done this week. My chest feels "tight", like apprehensive. I just can't believe how much I literally cannot function. I sleep...and sleep...and sleep some more. and still feel exhausted. I was prescribed zoloft the night I went to ER, but I know its going to take a bit to make that take effect. HOW do I get out of this? I can't do it, I may have already lost the job...but I cant be like this for the rest of my life. I WONT do something to hurt myself, but wonder if someone would understand where Im at if I took the rest of the pain pills that I've been on for 2 years?

Oh jeez. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I have felt this way in the past and did end up takin a bunch of pills and was admitted to a psych ward for 2 weeks. It wasn't fun.

I know what you mean about looking at your house and just not wanting to do a damn thing and being sooooooo tired all the time with no real reason why. I also sometimes have bouts of crying, but there is usually an initial reason...

If you need to talk, you know my number. Anytime hun ((hugs))

It sounds like you have depression -- and you definitely should talk to your doctor about it.

Depression is not an excuse -- it has physical and mental symptoms, and there are treatments for it.

((hug))

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, Belle. When you feel so overwhelmed it's good to talk to someone. I had a period in my life that I've fallen apart and it was good friends, family and my cardiologist that helped me make it through things. You always have people that care here.

Originally Posted by gmyers

I can understand what your going through. You have way to much on your plate and it sounds like a whole lot of stress. You're trying to do too much for too many people. You really need to do something just for you. Is there any way you can get away for a little while by yourself. Let the guys fend for themselves for a little bit. You'd be surprised how much just getting away and doing something you like would help. Moms need breaks sometimes too.
Sit your family down and talk to them say you really need some help you're not feeling good and let them know you'd appreciate their help a lot. You really need a break from the responsibilities you have. You really sound depressed thats why you're so tired and don't care about things like you used too. Please talk to your family and tell them you need a break. It doesn't have to cost a lot just do something you really like to do. And talk to us you can PM me any time I know what you're going though I've been there before. The medicine will help but taking care of you will help a lot too. I'm going to pray that God gives you the strength to get through this and makes you feel beter really soon. I'm thinking of you and wish you all the best you deserve it.

good advice!

It sounds like you are clinically depressed. As someone who has BTDT, I would strongly suggest talking to your doctor. Just remember that any medications that are prescribed may take a while to regulate. Be patient and know that you are not alone in your feelings. With all the doom and gloom being reported, it is no wonder more and more people are depressed.

I hope you can get some help, and I will say a prayer for you.

The overwhelming and paralyzed feeling.....I know it well. You're not alone and you're not crazy.

You'd be surprised how many people 'look good' on the outside but are 'dying' on the inside...some hide it better than others.....but it's there.

Take deep breaths, know that you will get through this and things will get better. I'm glad you are seeking help. We're here if you need us....

No preaching and no bashing, just hugs and understanding.