Thread: What were you thinking? Not smart.

Originally Posted by momfromTN

What about adoption? Just another choice, not trying to start a fight.

Just because they might be down on their luck and perhaps accidentally get pregnant and probably can barely afford to take care of the first child let alone a second. Does that mean that they should give their child up for adoption? When Dh and I discovered our suprise 3rd child he had lost his job(for 9mos.he was laid off &due to a clause in the union that if you go work for a nonunion shop you will be kicked out of the unionand all our benefits werethru the union such as medical/dental not to mention his pension and vacation account), we were recieving unemployment and W.I.C., living with inlaws,and we recieved free E.C.F.E for our oldest,and medical from the state for our kids and myself(because i was PG)Finally he had to leave the union since they couldnt find him any work,and the nonunion shops pay a lot less, he had to take a $10/hr cut in pay. So since we were obviously in a hard situation and were having a hard time supporting the first 2 kids does that also mean that we should have given our baby up for adoption? Thankfully he has been working since she was born and we no longer recieve any of those benefits from the state w/the exception of W.I.C. But if we were both unable to work sometime in the future should we then have to give our children to someone else because we had to depend on assistance from the goverment until we could get back on our feet? We pay taxes and if the time ever comes that we are in a situation where we needed help like that i would most definatley apply for it because my tax dollars helped support those programs.This wasn't intended to be a flame towards you momfromtn JMO

First, you don't know the situation. Period. You aren't in their house, you don't know their details.

Second, gossip is a horrid thing.

jmnsho

Linda

I am not on welfare by CHOICE as I stated before. If I ever accidentally got pregnant because the birth control failed, whould I give up my child? HELL NO. Just because some sorry excuse of a person took away my right to work, now is going to take away my right to have children??? I dont think so. Everytime someone sees you in the store with foodstamps and your child, they think you are a lowlife living off the state having kids just so you can get MORE welfare. Well that is not me. I could rightfully get cash, but I dont. I hate the fact that I have to do this, but I have NO choice.

Originally Posted by momfromTN

I meant to say in SOME situations, adoption, IMO is best. I understand you were not flaming. And I agree on the tax thing too. When we had our first son, I was working and had insurance. Then pregnancy complications made it so I had to quit my job and apply for medicaid. We paid taxes for SIX years as a couple with NO kids and they tax you to death for it. So I felt justified. And still do.

It is one thing to have a tragedy happen and have to get help. Thats what it is there for. It is not there for people to be lazy and not work and just expect handouts. Now, granted, that definately does not happen in ALL situations. And I sure as heck do not know if it did with the people in the OP's situation. But it DOES happen.

I think we do need to let up on the OP a little. The written word, as I have stated before, cannot convey inflection and tone and is easily misunderstood. Lets just call it a vent and let it go.

I agree

OK, so I guess I'm not allowed to have an opinion. It's like venting to DH - I'm not allowed to get upset, and should feel this other way. People usually don't do that here which is why I felt comfortable venting here.

First of all, I have every right to vent. DH and I work hard for what we have. We've gone without a whole lot. But there are times, and many of you know that even with all that hard work, you sometimes need help. It's because of people like the one's I vented about that we couldn't get that help. We'd go to the church with help on rent, but couldn't get all that we needed because of all the people before us (and I know they weren't working and we'd never see them at church except to get their "handout). So we had to take out quick loans. Did it make it better? Well, we didn't get evicted, but the hole got deeper.

As for my friend "disclosing" the details and me not being in their home, it's no secret what's going on. They (mainly he) tells everyone and anyone. I guess he's looking for sympathy and a handout. As for them trying to have another baby, they weren't trying, but they weren't preventing either.

I wasn't lumping all people on disability into the lazy category. He says he has a bad back, yet he has no problem lifting people's furniture. If he can't handle manual labor, there's other jobs out there. With his situation, it shouldn't be that hard getting grants and going to school. But he chooses not to. He has no valid excuse to be sponging off our tax money.

This couple was very young (and still are) when they married - barely out of high school. It's become obvious they were not equipped to handle adult life before they made adult decisions. They don't have the maturity to see how hard adult life is, and what they need to do to take care of themselves. So just like my 6 year old, they whine and say it's too hard and make up excuses so someone else will do it.

ANd I beleive by all means they keep this child. They wanted to play house, and they need to learn it's not a game. And these children will be loved. But I think they deserve adult parents, because like someone said, it's a vicious cycle. If he won't work, they will learn to have the same attitude.

I've known several people like this, and life will not get any better. It will get worse and harder. People will not help them for the rest of their lives. People don't want to help those that won't help themselves.

I guess I was upset because being the responsible person I was raised to be, I couldn't fathom popping out babies and expecting everyone else to take care of us.

And like someone else said - you can't tell the tone and inflection from words on a screen. I hope I explained it better here.

What I said earlier I tried saying it nice but obviously my point didnt get across. Its none of your business. I have a funny feeling that you're jealous because they get everything even though they dont work and you get hardly anything even though you and DH work. So what. They're in the wrong, Not you. Dont worry about it. Its not your life. You're a better person than they are. Leave it at that. You have a right to complain about your life, Not theirs or anyone elses. They're not even related to you. So what if he doesnt work. Are your bills paid? Thats all that matters. Just because you work and pay bills doesnt give you the right to say bad things about others.

Originally Posted by amysusi

OK, so I guess I'm not allowed to have an opinion. It's like venting to DH - I'm not allowed to get upset, and should feel this other way. People usually don't do that here which is why I felt comfortable venting here.

First of all, I have every right to vent. DH and I work hard for what we have. We've gone without a whole lot. But there are times, and many of you know that even with all that hard work, you sometimes need help. It's because of people like the one's I vented about that we couldn't get that help. We'd go to the church with help on rent, but couldn't get all that we needed because of all the people before us (and I know they weren't working and we'd never see them at church except to get their "handout). So we had to take out quick loans. Did it make it better? Well, we didn't get evicted, but the hole got deeper.

As for my friend "disclosing" the details and me not being in their home, it's no secret what's going on. They (mainly he) tells everyone and anyone. I guess he's looking for sympathy and a handout. As for them trying to have another baby, they weren't trying, but they weren't preventing either.

I wasn't lumping all people on disability into the lazy category. He says he has a bad back, yet he has no problem lifting people's furniture. If he can't handle manual labor, there's other jobs out there. With his situation, it shouldn't be that hard getting grants and going to school. But he chooses not to. He has no valid excuse to be sponging off our tax money.

This couple was very young (and still are) when they married - barely out of high school. It's become obvious they were not equipped to handle adult life before they made adult decisions. They don't have the maturity to see how hard adult life is, and what they need to do to take care of themselves. So just like my 6 year old, they whine and say it's too hard and make up excuses so someone else will do it.

ANd I beleive by all means they keep this child. They wanted to play house, and they need to learn it's not a game. And these children will be loved. But I think they deserve adult parents, because like someone said, it's a vicious cycle. If he won't work, they will learn to have the same attitude.

I've known several people like this, and life will not get any better. It will get worse and harder. People will not help them for the rest of their lives. People don't want to help those that won't help themselves.

I guess I was upset because being the responsible person I was raised to be, I couldn't fathom popping out babies and expecting everyone else to take care of us.

And like someone else said - you can't tell the tone and inflection from words on a screen. I hope I explained it better here.

Not to be rude, but It's not your place judge them or their lifestyle for someone who goes to church you should know that. JMHO