My son and his controlling girl friend.

**Quaker_Parrots** · 02-11-2004, 01:41 PM

Turn the rinnger off on the phone(she will HAVE to leave a message) or, block her number when he is on restrictions, there is a way to unblock it, when he is ALLOWED to talk to her.

**Advertisement** · 02-11-2004 01:41 PM

**AngelGrim** · 02-11-2004, 02:10 PM

I think that you need to stand your parental ground, whether it is young love or not,this girl needs to be put into her place, have a talk with her parents and her, tell her that the phone calls will not be accepted the way she has been doing them and you will block the calls. I went through this very same thing when I was a teenager, putting up with a controlling boyfriend, and my mom allowed it for quite a while and I think if she would have helped stop it might of helped my relationships later, I ended up thinking for a long long time that it was ok to be controlled. But many here may know better then I so it would probably be better to listen to them, they probably have had more experience. Lol either way good luck and hope things go better in the future for you and your son.

**ebgreen74** · 02-11-2004, 08:40 PM

I think the key here is that she feels like you're against her(and she's right)so she is doing everything she can to keep your son on her side and thus against you since you're against her and trying to keep them apart. Instead of saying Son, if you don't bring your grades up, you cant see girlfriend-try saying get your grades up or you can't go out with ANY of your friends. Invite the girl over for dinner yourself-be nice to her! Get on her good side! Invite her parents over too if you like. As long as he's keeping his grades up, I see nothing wrong with them seeing each other every day but I can see why you wouldn't want to be toting them back and forth all the time. Let them know that you don't have a problem with her because the more you're against her, the worse its gonna be. You sure don't want him rebelling so much that he ends up married to this girl at 18!

**twinkiesmom** · 02-11-2004, 09:05 PM

{{{CABANN}}}

**YankeeMary** · 02-11-2004, 09:16 PM

I would make it a point to become the 3rd wheel...I would spend as much time with them as possible..maybe she will get tired of you. I would tell son that well since you seem to think so much of her well then I would love to get to know her better...kill them with kindness my mommy always said.

**CABANN** · 02-12-2004, 09:59 AM

Originally posted by ebgreen74
I think the key here is that she feels like you're against her(and she's right)so she is doing everything she can to keep your son on her side and thus against you since you're against her and trying to keep them apart. Instead of saying Son, if you don't bring your grades up, you cant see girlfriend-try saying get your grades up or you can't go out with ANY of your friends. Invite the girl over for dinner yourself-be nice to her! Get on her good side! Invite her parents over too if you like. As long as he's keeping his grades up, I see nothing wrong with them seeing each other every day but I can see why you wouldn't want to be toting them back and forth all the time. Let them know that you don't have a problem with her because the more you're against her, the worse its gonna be. You sure don't want him rebelling so much that he ends up married to this girl at 18!

I really don't agree with you about me being against her. I have never said a bad word about her to my son and I also have gone out of my way to pick her up at school, when my son had gotten out early. Even today I will be picking her up at school and bringing her here until her mom gets off work, and my son stayed home today because he is not feeling well. My main problem is on how she won't give him his own space. I have heard from some of my sons friends that if he doesn't show up on time at there meeting place at school, she will ignore him the rest of the day. Then the whole afternoon until evening she will keep calling and calling. They are too young to become this close in such a short period of time.

It is very important that he keeps his grades up above a 3.5 because he is going to boys state nest year. They have already excepted him but if his grades drop below a 3.5 he will lose his spot. Boys State is a program from the American Legion, and looks great on his education file. He wants to go to college right out of high school, and the schools he picked, we couldn't afford to send him to. So he need to get scholorships, which is something Boys State and ROTC will do. He has worked so hard up till this point, and I would sure hate for him to miss out.

Suz*e* · 02-12-2004, 10:04 AM

I did the same stuff...I didn't do it to hurt my mom, but when you are that age...your significant other is such a huge deal in your head. Don't take it personal, he is just being young...let him!

becca_joy · 02-12-2004, 10:07 AM

maybe as time goes on,their feelings for eachother will fade

Suz*e* · 02-12-2004, 10:11 AM

Let them have each other, you have to go thru these beginner relationships to learn. I dated all the wrong boys first, how else would I have learned to appreciate the right one?

I still wouldn't trade any of my memories for nothing. Kids want rebellious dates, no 16 yr old is looking for Martha Stewart.

**CABANN** · 02-12-2004, 10:20 AM

Originally posted by Suz*e*
Let them have each other, you have to go thru these beginner relationships to learn. I dated all the wrong boys first, how else would I have learned to appreciate the right one?

I still wouldn't trade any of my memories for nothing. Kids want rebellious dates, no 16 yr old is looking for Martha Stewart.

I am not stopping them from seeing each other, but before he can go out ( with anyone) his homework needs to be done. He is taking some hard classes, so at times he needs extra time to study. She is actully a nice girl but beside the controlling issue, they are so physical with each other in front of me and my husband. When I was younger (at the age of 15) I would never dream of kissing my boyfriend in front of my parents. I was shocked the first time they did that, and one of my good friends (tresall on BBS ) will not come over any more when she is here because she was embarrassed because she still sees Zach as a sweet little boy. LOL. It worries me how close these two have become, so much that hubby and I have had lengthy discussions with Zach about birth control and other issues. I tell you it is scary. I hope he is smart enough to make the right choices. I have always been very open with him and he knows he can come to me about anything. I just hope he does.

**mikang** · 02-12-2004, 10:22 AM

Let him see her until he gets sick of her. There is so much more fun in sneaking around behind Mom's back that when you quit objecting, the fun will end.

I have to say that the above worked great with our son. We let his girlfriend come over a lot, she ate with us, went shopping with us, and lots of other things. Finally my son told me he just wanted the evening with mom and dad no girlfriend. I was shocked! After he broke up with her he told me I "liked" her to much! lol! Hubby and I were so happy when they broke up, the girl was something else! You might try this route, it may work. Good luck!

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