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He Said To Me!
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time. 
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . .. A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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09-07-2011 08:06 AM
# ADS
Circuit advertisement
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Redneck joke
What do you say to a redneck wearing a suit?
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"WILL THE DEFENDANT PLEASE RISE"
To get flowers, you need more than sunshine, you need chit and rain too
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I thought the punch line would be "who died".
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Thats a good one too! I was thinking of maybe a moonshiner or something
To get flowers, you need more than sunshine, you need chit and rain too
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Oh that's not nice
But it's funny
DONT FORGET WHERE EVER YOU ARE YOUR THERE.
OR ARE YOU?
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Redneck pick up lines
> 1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away
> 2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special
> 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in
> 4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out
> 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em
> 6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole
> 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away
> 8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bedrock
> 9) I can't find my puppy can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room
> 10) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner
> 11) If yer gnna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep Til afternoon
> 12)Your face reminds me of a wrench, lookin at you makes my nuts tighten up!
(Thanks Sunflowers)
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Little girl on a plane
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.
Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don’t know shtt?”
And then she went back to reading her book.
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Wife comes home and asks hubby "What would you do if I won the lottery?".
He replies "I would take half the money, leave and divorce you!"
Wife says "Good! I won $12 in the lottery, here's $6, now get out!"
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A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $22,398,750.78 in cash."
The granddaughter about to become rich says, "oh granny, you are so generous. I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her last breath, granny whispered, "Facebook"!
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WE ARE IN REAL TROUBLE
You who worry about Democrats versus Republicans--relax, here is our real problem.
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States.
It was pretty simple; the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.
The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor until she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
Yep, these are the same kind of 18-year-olds that just voted in our last election! They breed; and they walk among us! And, unfortunately, they vote.
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