Thread: Joke of the day!

Opps ... when "RL" imitates "art" ??

Authorities believe a Texas homeowner's response to finding a snake in her yard may have led to the fire that destroyed her house Wednesday. "While cleaning up, she saw snake, threw gasoline on the snake, lit the snake on fire," a deputy said. "The snake went into the brush pile and the brush pile caught the home on fire." http://bit.ly/13etZbN

A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...

''Yes," was his incredulous reply..

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.

Growing up without a cell phone
If you are 36, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH w...ays...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crud like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it. But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dam Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the dam library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy stuff like 'Call Waiting'! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were stuck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your rear and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd

Cajun Angels

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Cajuns up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the pearly gates, sliding down the stairway to Heaven, and my horn is missing! They play their accordions and dance all night! Crawfish shells and beer cans are all over the streets of gold and they're making sausage, boudin, and cracklins on every corner. There is rice all over the clouds! They have eaten almost every animal up here! Some folks are walking around with one wing missing ! There is barbecue sauce all over their robes and some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying they won't wear it because it doesn't have an LSU logo on it."

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil and see how he is dealing with his Cajuns."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang it, hold on!"

The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello God, what can I do for you?"

God replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there with the Cajuns you have there."

The Devil said, "Wait a minute," and puts the Lord on hold...

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said, "Okay, I'm back. What's the question?"

God asked again, "What kind of problems are you having with the Cajuns down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...Hold on, God.."

This time, the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk right now. These coonasses have done put out the fires after boiling crawfish and crabs and now are holding a benefit jambalaya dinner to install air conditioning !"

You Might Be a Cop if...

*People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.

*Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery in progress at shift change.

*You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

*You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

*You believe Prozac should be added regularly to the water system.

*You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over .15

*You walk into places and people think it's THE MOST HILARIOUS thing to grab an acquaintance and shout, "They've come to get you...".

*You have the bladder capacity of five people

*You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal with your spouse

*You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see

*You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person

*You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is QUIET around here"

*You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick

*You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably

*You believe irritable bowel syndrome is normal and happens to everybody

*You think caffeine should be available in I.V. and inhaler form

*You can tell the severity of an accident just by hearing the type of sirens

*You have a crazy ex-wife/husband(s)

*You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car

*You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt-lick

*While off duty sitting at a red light, you look for skid marks in the intersection and determine the point of impact.

There comes a time when a woman just has to/should,...trust her husband...

A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the
door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as
hard as she can.

Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to
have a drink

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, " Your parents have come to visit us,
so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?

"A new poll shows that George W. Bush is now more popular than President Obama.
The poll was conducted by the NSA based on phone conversations
by people who didn't know they were being monitored."

- Jodi Miller NewsBusters.org