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"The Night Before Christmas" according to jaybird
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and b*tchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got eighteen people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings.
Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The dog just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to h*ll!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
THAT is so close to the truth here it's scary!
Pacifist: Someone who has the nutty idea that killing people is a bad thing.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jaybird For This Useful Post:
jerseybarb (05-18-2020),Mary_Jo3 (04-20-2020)
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12-21-2002 07:09 PM
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The Following User Says Thank You to the fugative For This Useful Post:
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lol just think birdy, it is almost over with just a few more days
*then you have to think about all the cleaning up to do*
Hey that is what family is for right? hehehehe
My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004
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The Following User Says Thank You to ttistin For This Useful Post:
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That's just a little TOOOOOOOO much information Raven!
Pacifist: Someone who has the nutty idea that killing people is a bad thing.
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The Following User Says Thank You to jaybird For This Useful Post:
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Originally posted by Ravenlost
I can SOOOOO relate!!! I just finished baking eight loaves of bread, have biscuits in the oven for the dressing, have pies and cookies to bake, along with the turkey, yams and green beans.
Oh, and I just coughed so hard I peed my pants!!!
Laughing so hard at both of you that I can't see to type!!
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The Following User Says Thank You to Ladytiger For This Useful Post:
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Ewwww why do dogs do that???
My sister's dog use to snack on litter box treats.
Pacifist: Someone who has the nutty idea that killing people is a bad thing.
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The Following User Says Thank You to jaybird For This Useful Post:
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LOL- I have little Christmas mice around, the cats keep bringing them to me and dropping them at my feet and expect a treat..LMAO
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The Following User Says Thank You to Ladytiger For This Useful Post:
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I miss Jaybird and the old crowd...
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?
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The Following User Says Thank You to Jolie Rouge For This Useful Post:
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Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another.
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