Thread: News, Celeb & Political Humor LOL's...

Potato Chips for a quick snack on the airplane. . . $4
Aisle seat in 1st class from Miami to New Orleans. . . $899
Falling asleep with the Lombardi Trophy in your lap . . . Priceless

24 things cops know, but most people don’t
Not all of these are strictly what the police know that private citizens don’t, but they’re close.

Many are things I wish I could have said, but would have been in big trouble for doing so.

1.) Even though you say differently, you probably don’t know your rights.

2.) If you leave your teenager in charge of the house while you go away for the weekend, he or she will probably do something you forbade them to do. If they decide to host a beer party, your house will be wrecked.

3.) You can’t talk your way out of a ticket. Lots of people talk themselves into one.

4.) Of course it went off. What did you expect would happen when you pulled the trigger?

5.) The electronics in your radar or laser detector work no faster than those in my radar or LIDAR gun. By the time the little red light goes on, I already have your speed.

6.) We know you had more than two beers.

7.) If you grew up with guns in the house, you probably knew how to get to them, even though your parents thought they had them hidden or locked away. Don’t think your kids are any less ingenious.

8.) Arguing with me here will not go well for you. Arguments are for courtrooms, where you can make any statements and ask me any questions you want. Out here, I win all the arguments.

9.) We really don’t care how many FOP, State Sheriffs Association or 11-99 Foundation stickers you buy for your car. If you deserve the ticket, you’re getting it.

10.) Yes, you do pay my salary. Today’s obligation can be calculated by the following formula:
((Amount you pay annually in state, county, or city taxes/365) x (Fraction of budget allocated for law enforcement))/(Number of employees in my organization)

11.) I’d be happy to give you a refund. Do you have change for a penny?

12.) Most able-bodied people really can do those tests while sober.

13.) You are not the first person to see a cop and say "Take him, he did it," "I didn’t do it," or to tell your kid, "If you don’t behave, that cop will put you in jail." You probably aren’t even the first one to say that today. You have, however, caused me to mentally label you as a moron.

14.) The gun isn’t to protect you. It is to protect me.

15.) Your substance abuse problem is your business until it spills over into someone else’s life. Now, you are the problem.

16.) I don’t especially care what your race, religion, sexual preference, ethnicity, political affiliation or economic status is. I do have a bias against assholes.

17.) Can anyone here point out this person’s parents? He just asked me if I knew who his father was, and I don’t.

18.) Believe it or not, you really don’t drive better with a few drinks in you.

19.) Do unto others, but do it first.

20.) We are not armed, uniformed scribes. If someone has threatened, insulted, or otherwise vexed you in some non-criminal way and you want it put on record, write it down, take it to a notary public, and sign it in their presence. Poof, you have a record. If we could make one change to improve society, better parenting would be toward the top of the list.

21.) There probably are teenagers who can handle alcohol responsibly outside the direct supervision of an adult. We never run into them, though.

22.) Please press firmly, you are making four copies.

23.) You are in ______________. We don’t care how they do it in ___________.

24.) Yes, you very well may see me in court. I get paid overtime to be there, win or lose.

http://www.policeone.com/bizarre/art...b_ref=homepage

Hey, Kids: Thinking About Running Off to the Beach to Enjoy a Sunny Day? That’s Fine Until… BOOM!
By Kyle Becker (12 hours ago)

This Public Service Announcement released earlier this year out of Australia is graphic and disturbing, even while it draws on teen culture undertones in hilarious fashion. Do yourself a favor and watch it – but first make sure no actual youths are around.

This has gotta rank up there somewhere with “It’s raining polar bears!” (hallelujah, it’s raining polar bears…)



and “This is your brain on global warming!”



for just sick and wrong youth PSAs.

(My personal favorite of these, by the way, is “Mmmm… meth, mmmm… meth.”



Still can’t get the lyrics out of my head: Look at me, busy as a bee, where’d I get all this energy? Oh meth, mmm… meth…)

Don’t get me wrong – not approving of kids doing drugs, playing hookie ala Tom Sawyer, or climatesciencedenialism. But man, there’s got to be a better way to get your message across than these misguided PSAs. These are just funny for all the wrong reasons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=j91nOym5_yE



http://www.ijreview.com/2014/10/1876...ats-fine-boom/

Myrtle Beach mom's 'Thriller' parody 'Toddler' goes viral

Posted: Oct 17, 2014 1:55 PM CDT



MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WMBF) - A Myrtle Beach mom sums up motherhood in a single video. Machel Green, created a parody to Michael Jackson's, “Thriller." She calls it “Toddler."

Green, a former dancer for a theater production company, sings and dances with eight other moms about the “horrors” of raising a toddler. “We got the idea from the banter at one of our mom's night out, “Green said in an interview with NBC's Today Show.

“Green's husband, Jerrad, and son Noah, 2, were featured in the video. Green says, “Surely we are not the only ones dealing with our toddler night training.” This is a video that parents and toddlers alike can enjoy during this Halloween season.

The video also promotes the Greens' local business, VintageMarqueeLights.com, where shoppers can buy marquee-style letters, numbers and symbols in a variety of styles and sizes.

http://www.wafb.com/story/26815609/m...mobilecgbypass

5 children, but 7 main characters. Wonka (wrath) and Uncle Joe (envy).

....

Grandpa Joe was sloth. He never got out of a bed shared by 4 people for gods sake.

..

1 Augustus was gluttony
2 Veruca was greed
3 t.v. kid was sloth
4 Violet was pride always going on about her achievements
5 Charlie was envy wishing he had the life other children had.

Here's where it gets interesting.

6 All the children of the world represent lust in their manic search for the golden ticket.

And finally #7 - Willy Wonka, arguably a child in an adult's body is wrath. Not only refusing to intervene to help the children who were endangered by deviating from his rules, but clearly taking delight in their fate. His true anger reveals itself when he snaps at grandpa Joe at the end.

Your mind= blown

..

In the new movie ( Tim Burton/Johnny Depp ), I felt that the bad kids represented the worst of what different decades are known for, and the music the Oompa-Loompas sang about them were somewhat typical of each decade as well as their manner of dress.

1. Augustus was 50s/60s. Typical stereotypical shorts and shirt for that time. His mother was very indulgent of him and his getting his way, something people accused Dr. Spock (1960s) of fostering.

2. Violet and her mom were dressed for the 1970s in their jogging suits, and that was the "Me Decade," showcased by Violet's many trophies and competitive attitude..

3. Veruca was the 1980s, which was the greed decade. She and her parents were dressed in suits and dresses that were 1980s style.

4. Mike TV was 90s/00s; addicted to violent video games and typifying the worst of what people fear about gamers - that they're all potentially violent nutcases.

..

There was a 6th kid in the book that was taken out for one reason or another, look it up it had a pretty dark ending to that kind and parent

..

Plus 1 was Charlie, so only room for 4 sinners.

( Charlie was a sinner ... he stole the fizzy lifting drink )